NY State Trooper- The Complete Box Set Read online

  “Excuse me?”

  His eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and her soft features melted away his raw emotions. Everything about her made him feel like he’d lost control of his world. “Pat didn’t think you could handle it. I tried to tell him you were fine, that you’d done all the necessary research, but he wouldn’t let it go.”

  “I’m not sure how to respond to that.”

  “Just wanted you to know I’m not the only control nut.”

  “You mean to tell me that you let me ream you out that day, in front of half that dealership? And it wasn’t even your idea?”

  He chuckled. “Following you there wasn’t my idea. But I did do my share of spying.”

  “What kind of spying?” A wave of emotions washed over her face. Too many for him to try to figure out.

  “I sort of peeked at all your printouts, then pumped you for information. You were only twenty-one. It wasn’t that I didn’t think you could do it, I was just checking up on you.”

  “Prom night?” she questioned, turning toward him. A hint of fascination glimmered behind her cool blue eyes. “Your idea or my brother’s?”

  “Both,” he admitted. “I only wanted to hang out and wait for you to get home. Your brother made me follow you.”

  “How does my pansy-ass brother make you do anything?” Her eyes were wide. She truly looked baffled.

  “I suppose he played upon my sense of honor and duty. Not to mention he reminded me of our prom night.”

  She rolled her eyes. “The two of you made parts of my life miserable.”

  “Only because we care.” He swallowed. Caring about her wasn’t an issue. Feelings of love in the forever kind of way were beginning to grate on his nerves. He didn’t want it, and he’d fight it. Even if he knew she was the kind of woman he could love. The kind of woman who’d be able to hold her own with him.

  “I’m sorry if I made you feel unappreciated today. It’s just that sometimes you’re so overbearing, you make me feel inadequate.”

  He glided his hand across her firm belly. Unable to resist the fresh scent of roses on a warm spring day, he snuggled closer. “I don’t mean to, honestly. I think you’re an amazing woman.”

  “Thanks.” Her gentle fingers roamed his forearm. “And I want to keep those appointments tomorrow. That really was very thoughtful of you.”

  He lowered his head and lifted a playful brow. “Not trying to be overbearing, but just because we’re not in Lake George doesn’t mean you can let your guard down.”

  “I know.” The covers shifted and exposed more of her bare skin. She cupped his face. Her eyes filled with determination. “I’d like to make love now.”

  His breath hitched. Not the response he’d expected. He’d been more prepared for another argument. When his mouth opened, only a faint groan escaped.

  “But,” she said.

  “But what?” His body had responded to her proposal.

  “This is goodbye.”

  “What?” He blinked. It wasn’t like he’d never see her again.

  “I mean this will be the last time.”

  “Why? I won’t be completely packed up and gone until next week. We like each other and the sex is good.” Did he just say that? What a fucking moron.

  “I don’t want you thinking that you can come back for a visit and I will let you in my bed. My life doesn’t work that way.”

  “I wouldn’t expect that.” He scowled, even though part of him would enjoy that. His heart pounded unevenly at the insane thoughts that bounced about in his head. “I just thought it wouldn’t end until I left.” He held his breath. There was no future, no hope. He’d be miserable if he let her completely into his heart. It wasn’t love he needed. He needed the thrill and excitement of police work. Not his present desk job.

  “I don’t regret being with you. I think it has been good for both of us. You’ve gotten a chance to see I’m all grown up, capable of taking care of myself. I think you needed that.”

  “I suppose.” He rubbed his jaw, trying to organize his thoughts and push down any unreasonable ones. Remaining indifferent would be the only way he’d survive leaving her.

  “And I’ve seen a different side of you. I used to worry that you were lonely. I thought you needed a woman to love you, to make you whole. Now I see that people don’t have to have the happily-ever-after to be happy.”

  “No, they don’t.” Especially him. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or want to be with you.” He adjusted himself on his elbow. “Just because my relationships aren’t forever doesn’t mean I don’t care about the women I’ve been with. It ends because it’s the right time.”

  “This is the right time.” Something flirtatious illuminated her eyes. Something told him to push the issue.

  “I don’t think this is the right time or place to end this. We say goodbye at home, next week.”

  “As long as you understand it ends there. Affair over.”

  “Works for me.”

  Her hand slipped under his shirt and down the back of his pants, squeezing his ass and heaving him toward her. “Then get naked, or I’ll have to call the cops.”

  “You’re a crazy woman, you know that?” He grabbed her and pressed his already rigid body on top of hers.

  “No crazier than you.” Her legs shifted, allowing his body to settle in all the right spots.

  “Promise me I won’t hurt you.” He fanned his thumbs over the lines her frown created on her forehead.

  “You say you’re immune to emotional relationships and…” She bit down on her lower lip. “And please don’t get mad.”

  “Why would I get mad?” The muscles in his back relaxed at her tender touch.

  “Because you’re not the right kind of man for me, so you can’t possibly hurt me, because I don’t want that with you. Right now, I just want to be thoroughly satisfied.” Her beaming smile sent his usually logical brain into a fury of panicked emotions.

  “Mutual gratification,” he whispered, pressing his lips against her soft earlobe. Getting lost in her body would help defuse the bomb of emotions about to explode inside his mind and heart.

  He never expected to fall in love with her. Careful to hide his feelings, he ripped at her clothes with feverish intent. He needed to settle himself inside her; hopefully lose himself in the act of sex and forget about the pain lovemaking would cause his heart.

  In the darkness of the night, her sensual eyes locked with his in a long tender moment of understanding. She had to feel it, too. The connection he had to her, as if she was made just for him, and he for her.

  Slipping the condom in place, he pushed back all the craziness jumping inside his mind, and then in one powerful thrust buried himself deep inside her. The more he tried to make the moment about the physical act, the more her body responded to his, like she belonged to him. Before he knew what happened, she’d taken complete control, and he feared he’d be in love with her forever.

  There would be no going back and no denying his love for the one woman who had always been right in front of him, who he could never have. Not even now.

  “Beautiful, Ryan,” he whispered, feeling her release clutch at him as she moaned his name softly. “My beautiful Ryan.” He let his own climax spill out. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, not allowing himself to feel anything but the numbness he’d need to get over her.

  His job would demand it.

  His heart would require it.

  The following morning, Ryan forced her body to relax while the green mask on her face tightened, and the cool compress on her eyes hopefully reduced the puffiness caused by a good cry. The moment Jared had closed the hotel door, she hadn’t been able to hold the tears at bay any longer.

  Normally she prided herself on making good decisions, considering all the obstacles that had been put in her path, but she’d really screwed up this time.

  “Relax, honey,” the beautician said. “Your hands are so tense.” She rubbed the top of Ry
an’s hands with gentle circular strokes.

  “I’m trying.” Ryan took in a deep cleansing breath. “And I’m really enjoying this.”

  The beautician gently shook Ryan’s hands. “I’m going to wrap your hands in a warm mud pack for a few minutes, while we remove the face mask.”

  “Oh, that’s nice.” Ryan moaned while her hands and wrists were dipped in thick, hot liquid. “I could get used to this.”

  “You’ve never done this before, have you?”

  Once the compress had been removed, Ryan blinked her eyes, adjusting to the dim lights. “I treat myself to manicures and pedicures every so often, but that’s it.”

  “That’s a start.”

  “What’s your name?” Ryan asked, realizing how much she missed Penny.

  “Cindy. Mind if I ask you a question?” Cindy continued to remove the mask with a warm washcloth.

  “Ask away.”

  “My son’s name is Ryan. How’d a beautiful young woman like yourself end up with that name?” Cindy gave Ryan’s face one more washing. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the name.”

  “But it’s very much a man’s name.” Ryan adjusted herself in the bedlike chair so she could see Cindy better. “It’s my mother’s maiden name. She’d been so sure that I was going to be a boy. After a very long labor, she had to have an emergency C-section. When she came to, she filled out all the paperwork for the birth certificate before anyone could inform her she’d had a girl. She just never changed it.”

  Cindy sat across from her with a genuine smile. “That’s a great story. What’s your middle name if you don’t mind me asking?”

  Ryan laughed out loud. “Shamus.”

  “Oh, my.” Cindy’s large brown eyes widened.

  “It’s not so bad. Most people don’t know my middle name, and I usually lie and tell them its Suzanne or something.”

  “It’s a beautiful Irish name.”

  “Yeah, for a boy.”

  Cindy’s smile faded as she studied Ryan. “Why are you so sad? A sexy, young woman such as yourself should have the world in her hands, not the weight of it in her eyes.”

  “It’s not that I’m sad so much, but my life is changing,” Ryan admitted, then let herself get a good whiff of the aromatherapy candles. She couldn’t place the scents, but they were soothing. She could feel the swelling around her eyes reducing already. “My best friend is moving away.”

  “Does that friend happen to be the man in your life?” Cindy removed the wrapping from one of Ryan’s hands, cleaned it off, then slathered it with cool vanilla lotion.

  “I wouldn’t call him the man in my life, but someone who’s helped me a lot. Sometimes I think I owe him my life.” She blinked, realizing her biggest mistake. Jared didn’t see her as anything other than the one who survived. His lovemaking was out of a strange sense of duty. Jared always gave Ryan what he thought she wanted.

  She’d made it clear she wanted him. Even if for only one or two nights.

  “Then it’s best you let him go. Owing someone doesn’t make for a good relationship.”

  “He’s not mine to let go,” Ryan said softly.

  “You seem like an intelligent woman, and you’re drop-dead gorgeous. You’ll find the right man.” Cindy wiggled Ryan’s hand and ran her index finger up her palm. “See this line? It’s your love line.”

  “You read palms?”

  “I read a book on it once. I really don’t know too much.”

  “Well, tell me what you do know.” Ryan shifted in her chair. She didn’t believe in stuff like this, but at the moment, she didn’t care. “What does it mean?”

  “You have a strong heart. And the man who loves you will need an equally strong heart.”

  Ryan tried not to frown. She didn’t think Jared’s heart could be fixed.

  “This man is not who you’d expect. You’ve avoided his type and only recently opened your heart to him.” Cindy glanced up. “But you have to let him find his own way.”

  Feeling a little taken in, since Ryan had basically given Cindy enough information to form this kind of opinion, she tried to pull her hand away.

  “Love is a funny thing. Even when it’s meant to be, it doesn’t always work that way.”

  “What does that mean?” Ryan asked, not hiding her annoyance.

  “This line shows that you have a lot of love in your heart and it’s destined to find love in return. It’s not just about your soul mate, but friendships too. See all the branches? Lots of love. And it’s longer than most because I suspect that you’ve already endured a great deal in your life.” Cindy rinsed off Ryan’s other hand, then quickly rubbed some lotion on it before studying the lines.

  “You love because you don’t know any other way. Whether or not this man can hold on will be up to him, but you won’t go without. Love is something you need to share. It’s a part of who you are.”

  “Are you trying to tell me that no matter what, I’ll fall in love, get married, and have kids?”

  “No.” Cindy wrapped Ryan’s hands in a warm cloth again. “What I’m trying to tell you is regardless of what happens, your heart will mend and find love again. It’s in your nature.”

  “I’m a sap,” Ryan muttered.

  “Join the club.” Cindy lifted Ryan’s foot and slipped it into a tub of warm water. “My heart has been stomped on more times than I care to admit.” She held up her palm, showing the same long line. “I’ve been in love so many times, it hurts.”

  “Always the wrong guy?”

  Cindy shook her head. “My first husband was killed in a car crash two weeks after we married. He never even knew I was pregnant.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m not. I mean I’m sorry he died, but I have a beautiful son. I named him after his father.” Cindy smiled; her eyes glistened with joy.

  “Ryan?”

  Cindy chuckled. “My second husband was killed by friendly fire in Iraq. We had two kids together. Lenny and Robby.”

  “Is there a man in your life now?” Ryan wanted to kick herself for asking.

  “There is.” Cindy lifted Ryan’s foot and wrapped it in a hot wax coating, then shifted the tub. “Other foot.”

  Ryan did as requested and waited patiently. She wouldn’t pry, not now.

  After Cindy had both of Ryan’s feet wrapped, she slid the cloth off Ryan’s hand and began to buff her nails. “This one’s a fireman. I think I like the strong silent type who barks a lot.”

  Ryan tried not to laugh, but she understood Cindy better than she wanted to. “Does he think family life and a fireman’s life can’t mix?”

  Cindy stopped buffing and lifted her gaze. “I know he loves me, and I’m not asking him to give up his career. But he thinks he’d have to.”

  “I bet he says stuff like his job demands more of him. He can’t worry about his job and you at the same time.”

  “Sounds like you’ve been where I am.” Cindy moved to the other hand. “You’ve got great nails.”

  “Thanks.” Ryan wiggled her toes, enjoying the wild warm sensation created by whatever Cindy had put on them. “So why stay with him?”

  “I’ve dumped him more times than I can count, but he keeps coming back.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” Ryan asked.

  “I want to get married, he doesn’t. Last time I brought it up, he mumbled something about what his dying would do to my kids if we were married. And he thinks my kids have been through enough as it is.”

  “Is he involved with your kids now?”

  “He helps coach Robby’s basketball team.”

  “So what’s the diff?” Ryan checked out the polishes that Cindy brought over. “The pinkish one, please.”

  “Perfect choice.” Cindy removed the wrap from Ryan’s feet, then glopped a minty gel on them.

  Ryan didn’t have a clue what this woman was doing and didn’t care. She loved it and loved the company.

  “I keep telling him my kids are already attached to
him, but he doesn’t think it’s the same.”

  “If you don’t mind my asking, how long have you been seeing each other?”

  “Two years. On and off.”

  “Hey, Cindy,” someone called from behind the closed door. “Got a delivery here for you.”

  “Excuse me.” Cindy gave Ryan an apologetic glance, then went to the door. “What is it?”

  “Flowers,” the same voice replied.

  Ryan shifted, glancing over her shoulder. “Those aren’t just flowers.” Ryan smiled looking at the huge assortment of different colored roses. “That’s at least five dozen.”

  “This man is going to be the death of me.” Cindy sighed, pulling out the card. “Read this, I just can’t.”

  Ryan took the card out of the envelope and glanced over the words. “Cindy?”

  “Is it bad?” Cindy placed the large arrangement by the desk at the door. “We had an awful fight. Last night I told him to jump off a bridge and never come back.”

  Ryan continued to stare at the words “I’m sorry. I love you and I’d like to talk about forever. I’ll pick you up after work,” and wasn’t quite sure what to say.

  “Oh, God. I knew it. Only he would send roses as a kiss-off.”

  Ryan shoved the card at Cindy. “I think you need to read this.”

  Cindy plopped down in her chair across from Ryan and took the card in her trembling hands. “Love hurts.”

  “Sometimes.” Ryan smiled. “And sometimes it just plain surprises you.”

  “Oh, my God. Like I said, the death of me.” She mopped the tears rolling down her cheeks.

  “Just because he sends flowers, I’m supposed to drop what I’m doing and be there for him. Heck, he didn’t even ask.”

  “I think it’s sweet.”

  “Yeah, sweet when my guy does it, but how about when your man does stuff like that? Not so sweet, huh?”

  Ryan reached for her green tea and took a sip. “I can’t believe I thought that was sweet.” But, she did. Still did, and what did that say about her?