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  “That’s great,” Jared said. A small smile appeared on his paling face.

  “Can we come see the baby?” Ryan asked her brother.

  “See you in a little while. I love you, sis.”

  “I love you too, big brother.” She hooked the phone back on her hip, then looked up at Jared. “Let’s hit the road.” For the first time in a week, she didn’t feel like the world had spun out of control, tossing her to the curb. “We don’t have to stay long, but I have to go meet my nephew. They named him Nolan, and do you know what his middle name is?”

  “I don’t want to know,” Jared muttered, then uttered a curse. “I thought he was joking.”

  “Let’s go, Godfather.” Ryan shook her head. Nothing could dampen her joy, not even a sour faced Jared.

  The entire ride to the hospital, Jared gripped the steering wheel. Over the years, he and Pat had been to hell and back together. Jared didn’t begrudge the man his happiness or his child. But there was a small piece of Jared that couldn’t help wondering where he’d be today if things had been different.

  “What floor?” Jared asked as they got into the elevator. He hated hospitals. They smelled like death and sadness covered by antiseptic. Like having a clean environment where people fought for their lives would somehow make untimely death better.

  “Five.” Ryan reached out and poked the button a few times.

  “That’s not going to make the elevator go faster.”

  She rubbed her hands together, while excitement sparkled in her eyes. “I can’t help it.” Her smile brightened the already well-lit space and melted his heart.

  The elevator bounced at the fifth floor, then a bell rang out as the doors began to push back. Ryan wiggled her way though the small opening, then took off in the direction of Marci’s room as if she were running a marathon and the finish line was only inches ahead.

  He shoved his hands deep in his pockets, following a few steps behind.

  “Here.” When she glanced back at him, her hair bounced playfully at her shoulders. “Pat? Marci?” She tapped the half open door.

  “Hey there.” Pat greeted his sister with a big bear hug, then reached out to Jared, yanking him in the room with his handshake. “Get in here.”

  “I’m sure Marci doesn’t want me here. I’ll just hang out in the waiting room.” Jared’s pulse beat frantically at the sight of Marci holding her infant son.

  “You will not,” Marci said. “I can’t believe how much he looks like Pat.”

  “I don’t think Pat was that big.” Ryan reached out and rubbed her hand across the baby’s red hair. “And I think he was bald.”

  Jared’s son had been bald, but he remembered the softness of his skin. The way he smelled and how fragile he looked. Those images he’d never be able to get rid of. No matter how hard he tried.

  “Pat said the labor was…” Ryan began.

  But Jared didn’t hear the rest of the words. Visions of a tiny casket being lowered into the ground engulfed his memory. His son’s mother nowhere to be found. His body flexed, but he felt like his legs would buckle at any moment.

  “Jared?” A firm squeeze of his bicep jolted him from his nightmare. “Marci asked you if you wanted to hold your godson.”

  “No,” he said quickly.

  “Damn you,” Pat muttered, taking a step toward him.

  “You can do this, Jared. Trust me,” Ryan said in a soft tone.

  “Trust you?” He glared at her.

  “You expect me to trust you when it comes to my safety. Well, I expect you to trust me about this.” She kicked the door closed with her foot, then glided across the room. With ease, she lifted the baby into her arms, kissed his forehead, and whispered something.

  Jared stepped back, bumping into the wall.

  He reached for the constricting button on the top of his shirt. Perspiration beaded across his forehead.

  “Hey there, Nolan. Let’s go meet your godfather. The man who gave you your middle name,” Ryan said.

  “Ryan, please don’t,” Jared whispered, rubbing his sweaty hands across his tense thighs. But she ignored his plea, lifting the baby up and pressing the tiny warm body against his chest.

  Nolan’s hands flew up in the air, whacking Jared in the chin.

  “It’s a startle reflex. He’s fine.” Ryan smiled widely, beaming with love and pride.

  “I know what it is,” he grumbled, raising his arms and nestling Nolan’s head in the crook of his elbow.

  Nolan sucked in his lower lip, then gasped a hearty breath and let it out with a whiney sigh.

  Jared swallowed. He stared down at the precious bundle of life. He hadn’t held a baby since Johnny passed, and while part of his heart soared with joy, another part died again. “He’s…cute,” he said, trying to relax.

  “Like Pat,” Marci laughed.

  “Nothing cute about him.” Jared breathed slowly, using his training to keep as calm as possible. Feeling all eyes on him, Jared glanced around the room.

  Ryan wiped a tear that dribbled down her face. Pat had seated himself on the edge of the bed next to his wife, dipping his head against hers and looking back at him with brotherly admiration.

  As if on cue, Nolan squirmed.

  “Okay, here’s your Auntie Ryan.” Jared fumbled as he handed the baby back to Ryan.

  “Oh, my, God. I can’t believe he’s here.” Ryan snuggled Nolan in close. She deserved everything. Everything Jared couldn’t give her.

  For the next hour, Jared fetched water, soda, coffee, and junk food. Anything to get out of the room of happiness. He couldn’t help but remember how different things were with Lisa when Johnny was born. Jared hadn’t been there when his son entered the world, but he was there when he left.

  “I’m sorry, but we really should hit the road,” he said, trying not to sound too impatient. “Can I have a word with you, Pat?” Jared turned and stepped into the hallway. “Rory’s going to be working on the carriage house, along with his girlfriend.”

  “I heard she’s some kind of private eye or something.”

  Jared chuckled. “Something like that. Anyway, we want to make it look like Ryan’s there. Only her boss knows she’s coming with me.”

  “I get to stay here at night, but tomorrow I’ve got to go to the bar for a few hours.”

  Jared rubbed his jaw, then slid his hand across his neck. He didn’t think Marci and the baby would be in jeopardy. But if George was behind these attacks, who’s to say he wouldn’t turn on his other stepchild? Jared pulled out Frank Harmon’s business card. “This kid’s really good, and he’d do anything to help out. I’ve already asked him to keep an eye on things. He can come and plant himself here in the hallway while you’re gone.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to put anyone out.” Pat shoved the card into his pocket. “But I’m worried.”

  “So am I,” Jared admitted. “But Harmon’s already got instructions to be at your beck and call. Let’s go, Ry.”

  Anger quickly replaced Pat’s concerned look. He gritted his teeth, then said, “That’s my sister.”

  Jared nodded, but couldn’t form any words.

  “You make sure nothing happens to her.” Pat glanced over his shoulder, then back, taking a step closer. “I don’t know what’s going on with you two, and I don’t want to know. But if you leave her heartbroken, I’ll hunt you down.”

  “Oh, get over yourself,” Ryan said, slapping her hand down on Pat’s shoulder. “Not to be blunt, but I’d have to think of him as something other than a Neanderthal to have my heart broken. Now Nolan on the other hand.” Patting her chest, she rolled her eyes. “He’s a heartbreaker.”

  “Watch your back,” Pat said.

  “I’ll see you in two days.” Ryan planted a kiss on her brother’s cheek, then looped her arm through Jared’s.

  Still seething over being pushed into things he didn’t want and being called a Neanderthal, Jared continued to frown all the way to the parking garage.

 
; “See, holding Nolan wasn’t all that bad.” She smiled at him, slipping into the car.

  It had been damn near impossible. “Don’t do anything like that to me again.” He still felt the cold chill lingering in his bones from years ago.

  “My God. What’s wrong with you?” Tucking in her leg, she reached for the door handle. “Can’t you just be happy for them?” She slammed the door.

  Happy for them? They had nothing to do with it. “For the record, I’m not a Neanderthal.” He turned the key and revved the engine while adjusting the stereo. While he loved his truck, there was nothing like the feeling of a sports car.

  She swatted his hand, turning the volume back down. “You can’t possibly be mad at me for that?”

  “That and forcing Nolan in my arms, when you know how I feel.” He popped the clutch and backed out. “I’m a big boy, and I can make my own decisions.”

  She burst out laughing.

  After paying the parking attendant, he glanced at her. She’d covered her mouth, but laughter still managed to seep out.

  He shook his head, then headed for the highway. “I don’t see what’s so funny.”

  “Welcome to my world.”

  He shifted gears, then swerved out into the passing lane. “I didn’t appreciate you telling me what to do and how to handle my…oh.” He bit back a smile. “Well, I’m not a Neanderthal.”

  She fidgeted in her seat, shifting her left leg behind her right. The knee length skirt she’d worn rode high up on her bare thigh.

  Resting his hand on the gearshift, he focused his eyes back on the road.

  “You think women belong at home, in the kitchen, waiting on their man, doing as they’re told.”

  “I do not.” He furrowed his brow, giving her a quick glance.

  “If you were to get married, you’d expect your wife to stay at home and do as you commanded.”

  Tapping his finger on her exposed skin, he said, “First, I’m never getting married again. Second, if I were, I wouldn’t want a woman who was incapable of thinking for herself.”

  “That’s such bull. You constantly bark out orders expecting the world to do exactly what you say.”

  The softness of her skin was just too much to pass up. Opening his hand wide, he smoothed his palm across her thigh. “When it comes to my job, which I’m damn good at, well then yes, I expect people to do it my way.”

  “I don’t work with you or for you, and you expect me to do things your way.”

  “Because some psycho is threatening you.” He squeezed her leg.

  “What about when I went to buy my car? You got all controlling and forced your help on me.” She gave him a playful poke.

  “Car salesmen are the scum of the earth. I just didn’t want you to get taken for a ride.”

  “Do you think I’m smart?”

  He glanced out at the leafless trees swaying in the wind along the side of the thruway. Being smart had nothing to do with it. “Of course.”

  “Don’t you think I’m capable of handling a simple negotiation?”

  “Buying a car isn’t simple,” he mumbled, speeding out into the passing lane and flying by a few cars.

  “If you do your research, check out pricing, and don’t buy the first car you look at, it’s not so hard. Besides, if you’re aware that some salespeople are idiots who try to take advantage of you, then you learn to avoid them.”

  “Why are we talking about this?” Looping his finger in his shirt, he rolled his neck.

  “Because you don’t think you’re a controlling shit.”

  “You’re young and inexperienced.”

  “I’ve been living on my own since I was seventeen. I don’t need you to handle things for me.”

  “There is nothing wrong with asking for help,” he said, then blew out a breath. For the first time since arguing with his father, he felt like he was about to lose. He didn’t like to lose.

  “As I recall, I hadn’t asked for help. Remember when you asked me why I date the type of guys that I do?”

  Aware of the trooper stationed a few miles ahead, he slowed and moved to the right lane. Then he pushed the insane jealous thoughts from his head.

  “I want to be with someone who will see me as his equal on all levels. I want someone who will ask for my opinion about things. Value my ideas, my career. I want respect.”

  “Are you implying I don’t respect you?” he snapped.

  “In some ways I suppose you don’t.”

  The last thing Jared wanted was to get pulled over and then have to pull out his badge in front of Ryan. She’d just accuse him of using his power. He stifled his urge to hit the pedal and bring the car to ninety. “Then you don’t know me very well.” He pulled his hand from her thigh and gripped the steering wheel.

  “I know you mean well, but it’s just that it comes across like a dictatorship. No one will ever want to be with you when you act like that.”

  “That’s a good thing,” he said behind a clenched jaw. “I much prefer to be alone anyway.”

  “Wow,” Ryan exclaimed stepping into the lobby of the Rutherford Hotel. “This is beautiful.”

  “I was told it’s one of the nicest in the area.” Jared approached the front desk, glancing over his shoulder. “I only reserved one room. It’s a suite with a sofa bed. I’ll take the pullout, or I could get a second room if you’d prefer.” His face showed no emotion, but his eyes carried the hurt she’d caused him.

  “One room is fine,” she said, turning from him. She’d never noticed the vulnerability behind his cool exterior before. She hadn’t meant to insult him, just to show him she was a capable human being. And he wasn’t always right.

  “All set.” He took both their bags in his hands.

  Silently, she followed him to their room. When he pushed back the door, he stepped in, not giving her the option of going first. Not something she was used to from him. She didn’t want him to stop being a gentleman, just from telling her what to do.

  “Oh, my.” She closed her eyes and inhaled. Any hotel she’d ever stayed in always smelled musty or like wet laundry. This room smelled like a mix of fresh cut spring flowers and cinnamon swirl bread. She blinked, then kicked off her shoes, feeling the plush carpet on her bare feet. “This place is amazing. Nicer than the resort I work for.”

  He shrugged, then plopped down on the couch and reached for the remote. “I’ve got meetings all morning, then we’ve been invited to an early dinner with a guy I’ll be doing some training with. His girlfriend will be joining us. I accepted because I thought it might be fun.”

  Ryan’s stomach churned over. She stood in the middle of a magnificent room. She knew he wouldn’t have made such extravagant arrangements if it weren’t for her having to tag along. “It does sound like fun,” she said, hoping to ease his sour mood.

  He lifted his bag onto the couch, then pulled a pamphlet from it and tossed it on the coffee table, before propping up his feet. “I took the liberty of signing you up for a facial, massage, and some other spa treatments this hotel offers.” He glanced at her with narrow eyes. “I was just trying to be nice because I’d be gone all day, but I suppose that gesture is just me being controlling.”

  “It’s both,” she said as she took tentative step toward him when his feet hit the floor.

  “I need a drink. You want to come?”

  She shook her head.

  “I won’t be long.” He marched past her without a second glance. The walls didn’t rattle when he pulled the door shut with a slam.

  “I might have been rude, but I didn’t deserve that.” Snatching the brochure on the table, she decided on a long, hot bath.

  The bathroom had to be twice as big as the one in Jared’s house. She suspected the tile was marble, and it felt silky and expensive under her fingers. Silver faucets set off the creamy tan and brown swirl countertops, and beautiful paintings hung on the walls as if she were standing in a museum.

  The bath soothed her aching body but did nothing
for her aching heart. She loved Jared, even though he had to be in control of everything. Considering their relationship the last few days, she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe she’d subconsciously tried to change him. But why would she want to change him? Was he really all that bad?

  She’d keep the spa treatments, and somehow she’d find a way to make it up to him. She didn’t want him to move under these circumstances. She didn’t want him to move period.

  “Oh, you stupid woman,” she chided herself, tossing back the covers to the bed. She left the door open so she’d hear him when he came in. Not that she’d be able to sleep until she knew he’d returned anyway.

  She shouldn’t have forced him to hold Nolan. He’d hold him eventually, when he was ready. She tossed and turned but was unable to settle her body into sleep. She stiffened the moment she heard the main door click open.

  Time to fake it.

  14

  Jared couldn’t even manage getting drunk. He’d ordered a beer, but hadn’t taken more than two sips. Since when did he care so much about what one person thought about his actions? He’d only been acting like a gentleman. Not to mention some of the incidents she’d mentioned on the car ride over hadn’t even been his idea, but Pat’s.

  He leaned against the doorjamb to the bedroom, listening to her breathe. She definitely wasn’t sleeping. “I’m sorry I acted like such an ass,” he heard himself say. “I know you’re not sleeping.”

  The form tucked under the sheets shifted. “I’m trying to.”

  “Will you at least let me apologize?” Hesitantly, he eased himself toward the bed. The firm mattress gave way to his weight. “I took out my issues with Johnny and his death on you.”

  Adjusting the pillow, punching it with her hand, she sat up and brushed her untamed hair from her face. “I shouldn’t have pushed.”

  “You thought you were doing what was best for me. I can’t fault you for that since I do the same thing to you.” Feeling a little more confident, he scooted himself to the head of the bed and rested his cheek against the soft feathery pillow. “But for the record, your brother made me go help you buy that car.”