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  “Had I been a better father, I would’ve known what was going on.”

  “Why do you do this to yourself?”

  He let out a long breath. “I can’t be a godfather to Pat’s baby. I need you to tell him that.”

  “Yes, you can.” Her loving eyes pierced deep into his soul. “Loving someone doesn’t kill them.”

  But if you don’t love, you don’t get hurt. That had been his motto since Lisa ran out. He still had love in his life. He loved his parents and sister. He didn’t need anything else. “I can’t help the way I feel.”

  Her breath hitched when he traced a path with his finger where her low-cut shirt met her soft, supple skin. “You can try,” she whispered. “It means a lot to Pat.”

  Staring down at her perfectly shaped breasts, he moistened his lips and kissed the exposed skin. She tasted like honey. He continued to lose himself in her. Her hands splayed across his shoulders, neck, and back, easing the tension built up by years of not letting anyone know he cared.

  He cupped her breast over her thin shirt, pinching the hard nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Her fingers dug into his back as she let out a passionate moan. Kissing his way to her luscious mouth, he gently bit down on her lower lip.

  Her eyes fluttered open, and he searched them for a reason to stop. But all he found was a woman who knew exactly what she wanted, and she wanted him.

  His heart beat so fast it drowned out the world around him. He sucked in a quick gasp when her tongue darted out to meet his. A low rumble coming from deep in his throat rippled out in a groan of desire.

  With trembling hands, he clasped his fingers around her tiny wrists, and in desperation pried his lips from hers. She stared back at him, a hint of fear looming behind her glossy blue eyes.

  “Ryan.” He sucked in a ragged breath.

  “Don’t tell me you want to stop.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t want to use you. At least a bottle of Jack Daniels doesn’t have any feelings I’d have to worry about.”

  “You need to let yourself feel something other than anger and self-loathing.” She swiped at a single tear that rolled down her cheek. “You’re not the only one who lost someone.”

  “I don’t want you to reduce yourself to a one night stand because you feel sorry for me.”

  “I don’t pity you. I feel empathy for you.” Anger flashed in her eyes. “But if you’d prefer getting drunk to spending the night with me, someone who cares very deeply for you, well, I’ll just go collect my things and go to my brother’s. I won’t hang out here and watch you slowly destroy yourself.”

  For a long moment she glared at him, not saying anything. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. For the first time in a long while, he didn’t know what to do. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You’d have to lie to me to hurt me. I know exactly what this would be and I still want it.”

  Her lips quivered when he traced them with his thumb, then pushed himself up to a sitting position in front of her. “You’re suggesting that I use you—”

  Her hand covered his mouth. “That we console each other instead of wallowing in self-pity. We both hurt, and having human contact might help.”

  He lifted a brow. “I’ve tried that before, but it didn’t help.”

  “That’s because they didn’t understand you and what you’re going through. They were nameless one night stands.”

  “That’s exactly what this would be.” He stood and raked a hand across his head. She wanted him to be her knight in shining armor. She wanted more than just sex, and he couldn’t give her that, ever. “You really need to get over this fascination with me.”

  She rolled her legs to the side and rose with style and grace. Standing before him, she lifted her hand and rested it against his thumping heart. “I’m not twelve. My eyes are wide open and I’m not looking for anything other than…” Cracking a smile, she said, “One night.”

  “You left out the stand part.” Caving to her, he drew her body close. Her tender touch felt better than the best liquor gliding down his throat.

  The other women he’d slept with following his son’s death had been nameless girls who meant nothing to him. No matter how many times he’d tried in the past, this week he’d always ended up doing everything he could to keep himself from completely falling apart, yet that was exactly what happened.

  Ryan had always tried to be there for him, offering him nights of soft whispers and caring words. She’d put up with shouting matches, name-calling, then she’d finally give up and let him drown. He didn’t feel like drowning now. Somehow he owed it to her.

  Had he just rationalized taking her to bed?

  Her eyes brightened when he smiled. Shaking his head, he let out a throaty chuckle.

  “Dare I ask what’s so funny?” She tilted her head.

  “I wouldn’t if I were you.” He brushed her hair back and his look turned serious. “Are you taking the pill?”

  “I have condoms in the carriage house.” Her voice cracked when she answered.

  He arched his brow. “Really?”

  “A girl’s got to be prepared.”

  “Come on.” He took her by the hand and tugged her toward the main house. “I’ve got a box by my bed.”

  “Really?”

  “A guy’s got to be prepared.” He looped his arm around her and forgot about all the reasons why sleeping with her was wrong.

  Very wrong.

  5

  Ryan took in a slow, calming breath, hoping her hand didn’t tremble as she slid it into Jared’s back pocket. His hard buns pressed firmly against her palm sending her pulse into a dangerous beat, but one she welcomed. No turning back now.

  The walk from the front lawn to the main house seemed to go on forever. The longer it took to get inside and in bed, the greater the risk one of them would come to their senses and call the whole thing off. She wouldn’t let that happen. Not this time.

  “Would you like a glass of wine?” Jared asked, pushing back the kitchen door.

  “Sure.” She leaned against the doorjamb near the hallway to the family room. Sipping wine on the floor in front of a fire certainly would set the mood.

  “Why don’t you go put some music on,” he suggested as he pulled down a bottle and two glasses. “I’ll be right in.”

  She made her way into the large family room, turned on a light near the stereo, and then ran her trembling fingers across his selection of CDs. After settling on a case labeled ‘soft rock,’ she sat down on the hearth and entertained her own second thoughts.

  I’m not in love with him, she thought as she lit the long match and turned the switch to the gas starter.

  A quick poof, then the fire began to take hold of the wood. She settled herself on the floor with a pillow against the couch. She liked him a whole lot and had lusted after him since she knew what sex was. But love didn’t, and wouldn’t, enter the equation. At least not the forever kind of love.

  “You read my mind,” he drawled, entering the room. Feet had never been a fetish of hers, but when he sauntered into the room with his T-shirt, jeans, and bare feet, sexy took on a whole new meaning. He handed her a glass and sat down next to her. The heat from his body was unmistakably inviting.

  She took a long, slow sip, hoping the wine would go straight to her head. Her heart pounded so loudly she could barely hear the music playing in the background.

  He tossed back the rest of his wine like it was a beer, then set the glass aside and stared out into the darkened room. He cleared his throat as if he might say something, but no words followed. Only a deafening silence.

  A rush of adrenaline shot through her already shocked body. She couldn’t let him change his mind. She had to get him out of her system once and for all. Following his lead, she finished her wine in a quick gulp, then threw her leg over his body and straddled him making sure she positioned herself over the part that mattered.

  “Ryan.”

  She touched
her finger to his mouth. “Shh.” She adjusted herself, knowing she had affected the right part of his body when he groaned and gripped her thighs. Framing his face, she lowered her eyelids and pressed her lips against his.

  At first he barely participated, his lips merely responding to the movement of her mouth. The fire crackled in the background, but didn’t drown out the pounding of her heart. She rolled her tongue across his soft lips catching his soft moan as it rumbled through her body.

  He squeezed her thighs tight, massaging her quivering muscles. Slowly, he took control of the kiss as his hands made their way up her legs, over her hips, and across to her behind. His fingers dug in hard as he thrust his hot tongue into her mouth. Unable to keep up, she pried her mouth away, grabbing the hem of her shirt.

  She looked down at him. His mouth gaped open, then shut tight as he swallowed. His eyes focused directly on her chest. She wiggled as she whipped off her shirt, exposing the most pathetic excuse for a bra. She had bought a bunch of plain white ones to replace the ones that got stolen. Sexy bra or not, he still stared. She reached for the front clasp.

  “Don’t,” he whispered.

  Fighting back the tears that had begun to well in her eyes, she inhaled a sharp breath. If he refused her now, it would be worse than waking up alone.

  He shifted underneath her, but didn’t ask her to move. She scowled, not understanding what he wanted. The lump in her throat prevented her from forming any words.

  His gaze lifted to her eyes as his fingers tingled up her spine. She arched like a cat while he danced his fingers across her skin.

  A wide grin that showed off his perfectly straight teeth damn near knocked the wind out of her. He tapped his finger against the small of her back, one of the most sensitive spots on her body.

  “That tickles,” she said.

  His hands slid down her skin, applying pressure at her hips. With ease, he shifted her off his lap and laid her down on the rug in front of the fireplace. Kneeling over her, he lifted his T-shirt over his head and tossed it to the side.

  His magnificent torso glowed in the firelight. The perfect amount of hair lined his upper chest. She reached up to run her fingers through the coarse curls and let her inhibitions fade away.

  Completely lost in the moment, she lowered her head and pressed her lips against his rock-hard abs. The muscles in his stomach twitched when she flicked her tongue out and traced a path around his navel. She continued on her exploration of his glorious body right up to his nipple.

  “Ryan,” he said with ragged breath. “Slow down.” Moist lips pressed into her neck, then glided down her collarbone. “I want to enjoy you.”

  “I was enjoying you.”

  Hot breath panted against her skin when he chuckled. “I go first.” With nimble fingers, he unhooked her bra, sliding the thin straps down her shoulders, letting the garment fall to the floor.

  “Why?” The calluses on his hands tickled when he ran his fingers up the side of her breast, brushing his thumb over her taut nipple. When he lifted his gaze, his lids were heavy and his stare full of desire.

  “Please don’t make me answer that.”

  The CD changer clicked, then clanked, as it changed from one artist to the next. She hadn’t really been paying attention, and now she didn’t care. The depth in his deep green eyes commanded her to gaze intently at him.

  She’d been with other men before, but nothing she’d experienced had come close to his gentle caresses and passionate kisses. No one had ever put her pleasure before their own. “Why?” she asked again, needing to know and understand his desires.

  He drew her near. “I want to please you.”

  “Touching you would please me.”

  A deep groan rumbled in his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair, letting it fall at her shoulders. “I want to discover what makes you…” He traced a circle with his finger around her breast.

  “Oh, God,” she mumbled, closing her eyes.

  “I want you thoroughly satisfied before I lose myself in you,” he whispered.

  She forced her lids open just as his tongue darted out of his mouth and drew her nipple inside. Instantly, her entire body ignited into a burst of fiery flames. Before she had a chance to come up for air, he pressed her back to the floor. He pried her jeans down her legs.

  “Beautiful.” He ran his hands up and down her legs. “You’re a beautiful woman, Ryan.”

  The way her name fell from his lips sent a shiver from her toes to her fingertips. She cupped his head, feeling the softness of his buzzed hair on her palms. He laced her stomach with wet kisses before slipping off her panties in one swift motion.

  In awe, she watched him lift her leg and plant an erotic kiss on her big toe. He moved his mouth to her ankle, and then worked his way across her knee, finally landing on her inner thigh. Her most vivid dreams didn’t hold a candle to reality.

  “Ja…red.” She moaned, tossing her head on the floor and arching her back when his hand rubbed across her dark curls, then separated her legs more. His long fingers slipped inside her. She jerked at the intensity of his touch.

  “Did I hurt you?” He stopped the most exquisite sensation she’d ever experienced.

  She shook her head, gasping for breath. “Don’t.” She moistened her lips. “Don’t stop.”

  “You like this,” he said, moving his hand inside her once again. Hot breath tickled her skin right before he kissed her intimately.

  “Oh, God.” Her body flew into flames like a spark given just enough oxygen to explode into something more.

  When he lifted his head, locking gazes with her, her breath hitched at the passion filling his sea-like eyes. A seductive smile broadened his face.

  Her pulse raced out of control and her chest heaved up and down with her short, choppy breaths. The outside world disappeared like a ship sailing over the horizon. She rolled her hips in rhythm with his hand. The blood in her veins raced like a wildfire following the oxygen it needed to survive.

  He nestled himself between her legs, his soft mouth stroking her to the point of sheer madness. Deep groans rumbled up to her throat and escaped her lips in a passionate sigh. Electric pulses pounded through her heart and spread to every inch of her body. Every muscle tensed when she reached her limit and convulsed over and over again crying out Jared’s name.

  Sexually, she’d been thoroughly satisfied. Emotionally, she’d experienced something beyond her craziest dream. And with a man who was only capable of giving his body.

  This didn’t help get him out of her system, but made her system demand more.

  Jared pressed his hand against Ryan’s stomach. A complete sense of fulfillment washed over him. Hearing his name fall from her lips while her body reached the glorious pleasure he’d given to her gave him complete satisfaction.

  If she wanted to curl up in his arms and go to sleep, he’d sleep as if he just had the best sex of his life.

  “Up here,” she whispered, cupping his face and drawing him closer.

  His chest tightened when he looked into her bright blue eyes. Just getting through the pain, he reminded himself. Ryan offered her warm body instead of the loneliness of a cheap bottle of whiskey. This was their way of saying goodbye to this part of their lives and moving onto something else.

  He soothed her skin with his hands as he made his way to her perfect breasts. Taking a puckered nipple into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, he lost himself completely. No one had ever responded to him the way she did.

  Not wanting to let any part of her go untouched, he switched his affections to her other breast while moving his hands everywhere he could manage on her quaking body.

  “Jared,” she called, tugging at his head.

  Seconds after he lifted his mouth from her skin, her lips locked with his and her tongue thrust into his mouth with feverish intent. Before he could manage a quick gasp, she had him lying flat on his back and her lips were dancing down his neck.

  “Sweet Jesus,” h
e grumbled when his nipple got sucked into her hot mouth. Her teeth scraped against the sensitive nub when she began her descent. “Ryan.” He breathed deeply. “You don’t have to do this.”

  Her hands trembled with the button to his jeans; his erection pressing against the tight fabric wasn’t helping the process. Ending his own misery, he swatted her hands away and began sliding his pants over his hips.

  “These have to go.” She toyed with the elastic to his boxers. Her bright smile electrified the room as she shoved them down to his ankles.

  He groaned. Her hands massaged his thighs, then glided over him. Everything in the room blurred into a mass of nothing. She brought her mouth to him, sending him into the abyss. The way she touched and explored his body humbled him. No one had ever cared this much about how he felt. Hell, he’d never cared that much.

  Sex had always been about instant gratification. The release of tension and mutual satisfaction had been the sole purpose. But something in the way she caressed him and responded intuitively to his body’s signals, made this experience something more.

  “Stop,” he said, pushing the insane thoughts from his mind.

  “Why?” she asked.

  He rolled to his side, pulling her next to him, holding her close, and enjoying the goose bumps her flesh created when he ran his fingers up and down her arm. “Because.”

  “Because why?”

  “You ask too many damn questions.”

  “I asked one and you haven’t answered it. Why do you want me to stop?”

  He laughed, giving himself the time he needed to calm down. Damn woman had him unglued. “Because if you kept doing that, well, this would be over before we even got going.”

  “Oh.” She kissed his chin. “So, you liked that.”

  Unglued was putting it mildly. Slipping his thumb under her chin, he tilted her head and brushed his lips across hers. “Yeah,” he whispered, then a low moan grew inside him, releasing his deepest desire. “I like.”