Deadly Secrets (New York State Trooper Series Book 3) Page 4

  That would be an interesting change of pace.

  “When your personal life interjects itself on the job, it affects us. That’s a reality.”

  “It is personal, but it’s not going to affect how I do my job. How I did my job.”

  “All right,” Jared said. “Is there something you want to ask me?”

  “Why do you say that?”

  Jared let out a short laugh. “You told me to revoke your transfer last night.”

  “I don’t remember that,” Reese admitted, “but can you?”

  “I can, but you need to answer me a few curious questions first.”

  Reese took another bite. This one going down much easier than the last. Ryan had been right about the sandwich. His head no longer pounded and the ache in his stomach subsided. “Ask me anything. I’ll answer.” He knew he should be opening up to Patty, but this was a start.

  “When I picked you up, you were rambling on some crazy shit about your mother and father, and how you don’t know who your father was and how unfair that was.”

  “I guess I was pretty hammered.”

  “That’s putting it mildly,” Jared said. “I thought your father was in jail.”

  “He’s not my biological father, according to my mother.” Reese pushed his plate aside. He hadn’t told anyone about his family in years. He’d been ashamed. Didn’t matter it wasn’t his fault, but the little boy inside believed everything he touched went to hell in a handbasket, as his mother had told him on numerous occasions. She’d even said his real father wouldn’t have wanted him anyway. “Some current events have roused some emotional baggage from childhood.”

  “Ryan had it really rough as a kid. Her stepfather beat her mother to death. It’s not something you go around talking about with everyone you meet. So I understand. But last night you said how easy it was to fuck up a kid’s life without even trying, and no way in hell would you be doing that, and Patty was just going to have to suck it up.”

  “Oh.” Reese didn’t remember a thing about that. “What, exactly, did I say?”

  Jared leaned forward and stared at him. “You told me Patty was pregnant.”

  Reese sat in silence, contemplating those words and the shock he still felt. “Probably shouldn’t say anything to anyone since I just found out last night and, well…that conversation didn’t end well.”

  “Frank’s going to come after you with a shotgun,” Jared said. “It won’t be loaded, but he’ll enjoy watching you sweat.”

  “You’re not funny.” Reese knew Frank wasn’t going to be upset over the baby, but the marriage? That might be an entirely different story. Reese needed to take care of that right quick.

  “I have my moments,” Jared said, “but all kidding aside, this is some big shit, and the plan you laid out for me last night isn’t the answer.”

  “I’m afraid to ask.”

  “This isn’t about manning up and doing the right thing.”

  “I’m not running out on them,” Reese said.

  “I understand that, but expecting her to suck it up and move in with you isn’t going to work, either. I take it that’s why last night’s conversation with her didn’t end well.”

  “This isn’t your business.” Reese knew he was being rude, and worse, rude to his boss, in his boss’s own home, but he had barely digested the situation himself. The last thing he needed was Jared up his jock.

  Or maybe it was exactly what he needed.

  “You made it my business,” Jared said sternly. “Both you and Frank are like family, and I also have a station to run, and the last thing I need is a shit-ton of drama from the two of you.”

  “I don’t mean to put you in an uncomfortable situation.”

  Jared arched one brow, while tilting his head to the side. “You’re joking, right? I pick your ass up while you’re babbling all sorts of crazy shit. You sleep on my couch and all you got is ‘you don’t mean to put me in an uncomfortable situation?’ That shit isn’t going to fly anymore.”

  Reese nodded, knowing he’d have to be honest with Jared about everything. Even if it meant opening up a vein full of old wounds.

  “Answer me this,” Jared said. “Do you, deep down, truly know you want the baby?”

  Reese admired Jared’s directness, but he didn’t always know how to respond to it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want the baby. He’d vowed no child of his would be fatherless.

  After Jessica, he disconnected his heart. He promised himself he’d never love again. He would never have children. He would live out his life without allowing that kind of pain. He hadn’t know what a lonely that existence was until just now.

  “It was unexpected,” Reese said, “but yeah, I want the baby. Very much so.” He wanted Patty. But one thing at a time.

  “Ryan,” he yelled. “Reese and I are heading out for a while.”

  Reese waited out by the Jared’s SUV while Jared kissed his wife and children goodbye. Ryan was a good ten years younger than Jared. Reese had heard some stories about them, but ultimately, they were the ‘it’ couple. The couple that beat the odds. The couple by which all other couples were measured.

  Reese suddenly felt very small. Insignificant in the scheme of things. Being in a child’s life, and being its father, were two entirely different things.

  And he had never experienced either one.

  “Where are we going?” Reese asked.

  “Just follow me.”

  Reese got in his beat up old Ford and did as instructed. At first, he thought they were headed to the station, but Jared made a turn off the main road, and then a few more, into an unfamiliar section just north of the village.

  Jared pulled into a cemetery. Reese got out of his truck then followed him down a winding path, covered in melting snow, to a tombstone. Both men remained silent.

  Reese read the words on the tombstone: Johnny Blake.

  “My son,” Jared said.

  Reese felt his heart slow as he held his breath for a long moment. A slow chill crept up his spine. He couldn’t even imagine what might have happened. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you and Ryan had another child.” Living with that kind of loss every day had to be impossible, yet Jared was the strongest, kindest man Reese had ever met. There were no words, but he said once again, “I’m sorry.”

  “Johnny was with my first wife. He died when he was six months old.”

  A long silence filled the warming air. Reese didn’t know what to say, or if he should say anything at all, so he stood there with his hands in pockets and waited while Jared knelt and ran his fingers across the letters that spelled out his son’s name.

  “I got married because Lisa was pregnant. It was an awful marriage, and Johnny wasn’t enough for us to even come close to making it work. She skipped out on us before Johnny died.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” Reese said, humbled by the tremor in Jared’s voice.

  “I don’t know what is really going on with you right now, and I’m not going to ask you to tell me unless you want to. But I do know”—Jared rose and pointed to his son’s grave—“that whatever it was, it’s as devastating to you as it was for me to lose my son.”

  “I don’t think my situation is—”

  “My son’s death ruled my life for years. It prevented me from seeing what had always been right in front of me. It almost stopped me from allowing myself to fall in love with Ryan, and more importantly, to let her in and accept her love back.”

  “I appreciate all you’re doing, but—”

  Jared cut him off. “Whatever haunts you, deal with it and let it go, or you have no chance with Patty or your child. The baby needs to matter more. Lisa could never give that to Johnny.”

  Reese stared long and hard at the tombstone. His heart torn for the life lost and for the life he was about to bring into this world. His stomach knotted once again. He cared for Patty. But before he could really move forward with any kind of relationship with her, whatever that may be, he needed to deal wi
th Jessica. With his past. Once and for all.

  He understood that whatever came of him and Patty, he was going to be a father.

  A real one. He was going to do whatever it took to be a good father, and hopefully win over the heart of the mother of his child.

  They belonged together. Every fiber of his being believed that, but it would be hard to prove it to Patty.

  Actions spoke louder than words.

  They walked in silence back to the parking lot. The sun beat down on his face as the spring air rolled across the mountains like a kite took to the wind. The moment his mother had told him Allen wasn’t his father, that he was in prison, and she wasn’t going to tell him who his real father had been, a part of him had disappeared. His real father, whoever he was, hadn’t been given the choice to decide for himself if he wanted a relationship.

  The rest of him died when Jessica aborted their baby.

  At least Patty was giving him the choice.

  And the chance.

  Driving back up Route 9, Reese noticed, behind a melting pile of snow, that the Heritage Inn was for sale. He remembered staying there and the old man that ran the place. It was quaint. Needed some work. But a nice family place.

  Maybe a nice place to start. Maybe he should buy it.

  He laughed at himself, but he realized he was dead serious. He’d worked as a bellhop for three summers in high school. Owning a hotel would be very different, but doable, and with a child on the way, and considering the most recent events with Patty, maybe being a cop and in the line of fire wasn’t such a good career choice for a father.

  Reese checked the time as he did a quick U-turn toward the store.

  Might as well start over right now.

  * * *

  Patty was in her kitchen making some tea when she saw Reese’s truck pull in. She wasn’t expecting him, but she had wanted to talk to him all day, but figured they both needed a little time to process everything, and anyway, he would be working. He often took weekend shifts and extra shifts so family men could be home with their wives and children.

  Reese was a good man. No denying that.

  She had deep feelings for him. No denying that, either.

  But Reese held back. Even Frank, who was probably Reese’s closest friend in Lake George, said he held back from the whole male bonding thing.

  That spoke volumes on all things regarding human relationships.

  Did Reese really want a child, and would he be able to bond with it? She might not know the answers to those questions until after the baby was born.

  That was a long time to be uncertain about anything, especially something as important as this, but she had to give him the opportunity without trapping him. That, she felt, was the key to her future, and to her child’s happiness.

  Her doorbell rang, pulling her from her deep thoughts.

  “Sorry to stop by unannounced,” Reese said. “I saw your car and I wanted to stop by and give you this.” He held up a colorful bag with tissues coming out of the top, obviously a gift. “May I come in?”

  “Sure.” She took the gift, noticing her hand shook a little. She told herself she was still dealing with the trauma of the shooting, which was true, but the current tremor was all about the man who had just brought her a present and was now making himself comfortable on her sofa. “Drink?”

  “I’ll take a beer if you have one.”

  “I have some from the last....” She blushed, remembering one particular evening, one that most likely resulted in the conception of their child. She placed the beer on a coaster, next to the gift. “What’s that for?”

  “For you,” he said. “Well, not really for you, it’s for… Just open it.”

  She sat on the other side of the sofa, as far away from Reese as possible. She pulled out the tissue paper, then a couple of different generic baby outfits, bibs, pacifiers, and a Winnie the Pooh baby book.

  Reese took the book in his hands, shifting closer to her. “This was my all-time favorite book.”

  “Thank you,” she said, folding up the tiny clothes, a mix of excitement and trepidation tingled through her fingers as she felt the cotton. The clothes were so tiny and a surge of love hit her so hard she could barely breathe. “I’m really having a baby.”

  “You sound as shocked as I feel.”

  “I kind of am,” she admitted. “I took the pregnancy test five times before I believed it, and even then, I went to the doctor and asked for a blood test.” She scooted to the back of the couch, stuffing a pillow behind her back then sitting cross-legged, facing Reese and the lake. “You have to believe I didn’t plan this.”

  Reese nodded. “I redacted my transfer.”

  “I don’t want you to do that just because of the baby.” Or me, she thought, though she knew he’d never stick around just for her.

  “I am doing it because of the baby,” he said, “and there is nothing wrong with that. But I also think we need to start over. With us.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Dating,” he said, his face serious, but his eyes gave away his playfulness. Was that attraction and desire in his eyes, or was it…? She had no idea, but no matter what, she couldn’t allow herself to go in too deep with him. Not now. And maybe never.

  “We’ve done that,” she said.

  “Not really. I mean we start over. Do it right.”

  “There is a right way to date?” She stifled her laugh. Dating wasn’t the answer. Being together wasn’t the answer.

  “I’m serious. I think it’s best for the baby if his or her parents at least give it a go.”

  Patty shook her head. “I don’t want to get into a fight, and that is where this conversation is going. You know how I feel about my childhood. I don’t want that for my child.”

  Reese closed the gap between them, placing his hands on her knees. She wanted to tear her gaze from him, but she couldn’t. As he positioned himself to move in for a kiss, her lips parted, and he took that as invitation. He brushed his full luscious lips gently against hers. They were soft and tender and filled with the promise of what could be. Of what she wanted it to be. Of what she knew it couldn’t be. She grabbed a wad of his shirt, then pushed him away.

  “You like me,” he said, smiling at her. A twinkle in his eyes that she’d never seen before. It was playful and sweet. Kind and caring and at the same time pure raw passion.

  All aimed at her.

  “Never said I didn’t, but liking each other and being a couple with a baby does not make a relationship.” God, she sounded so cold.

  “We’ve got to start somewhere.” He leaned in. His breathe hot on her flesh. “I want to kiss you again, but only if you want me to.”

  For the life of her, she couldn’t push him away. She found herself wrapping her arms around his neck, easing his body closer as he lowered himself onto her, pressing her back against the couch. And then he stopped abruptly, helping her to a sitting position again. “Wow,” he managed. “We take this slowly. We date. That’s all for now.”

  “You’re the one who started that,” she said, blushing with the knowledge that she would have jumped right in the sack with him.

  “I just needed to know.”

  “Know what?”

  “That you at least feel something for me. That we feel something for each other.”

  “Sexual attraction does not make a relationship.”

  “Please stop doing that,” he said. “Your mouth is telling me to go away, but every other part of you says you want to give this a go as much as I do.”

  “I’m so confused by everything,” she said. “We’re giving each other mixed signals. You want to spend time with me. I like that. I want to spend time with, but then you kiss me and we go right back to what got us into this situation in the first place. But your past. All this talk of living together and the baby, it makes me pull back.”

  “We take things slow,” he said, “for now.” His tone gave away his hurt feelings. She didn’t blame him for t
hat. She felt it too. So much of their relationship had been about not being in a relationship that now that they wanted to give it a go, it was awkward.

  “I’ve got dinner plans with some friends,” she said, “so, if you will excuse me...”

  “Sure.” He took her hand, and kissed it. “I’ll see myself out.”

  She didn’t get off the couch, nor did she let her breath out until after he closed the door.

  This was not what she had expected from Reese. Not at all. And it was messing with her well-laid-out-plan for raising this baby alone. She had never handled things well when her plans were interrupted or altered.

  While the baby and Reese were not an interruption, they were certainly causing a conflict that sent her senses in a tailspin.

  Chapter Three

  REESE SAT AT HIS DESIGNATED desk in the middle of the big room in the Trooper station, waiting for his new partner while searching the Internet for his current wife. Why had he left without a getting a divorce? It seemed stupid now, but at the time, he couldn’t stand to look at Jessica, much less talk to her, so he’d disappeared back into the ranks of the Marines and she never tried to contact him once.

  Now that he had a baby on the way, and things were looking up with Patty, it was time to bite the bullet and face the soon-to-be-ex-wife firing squad.

  The station house wasn’t very big, a satellite office for Troop G of the New York State Police. The big room contained six desks, crammed in the middle. Large florescent lights glared from the ceiling, bouncing off the scuffed, dull white floor. There was a small lobby with one metal desk. Off to the lobby’s left stood one tiny office for Jared’s secretary. Jared’s office was in the back.

  The office consisted of two support staff and eight to twelve troopers depending on the time of year, with more during the summer to manage activity on the lake. Jared had been the headman in this office nearly eight years now. Frank, Reese, Stacey, and five other troopers were assigned full-time duty to the area.

  “I heard you had quite the time of it two nights ago,” Stacey said as she tossed her oversized parka on the coat rack by the front door. It was approaching forty-five degrees outside. Not parka weather by any means.